Large and Engorged Tumblr Meme Dump

Advertisement
  • 01
    Text - Abbie @AbbieEvansXO [Old west saloon owner]: make it so the floorboards don't creak when regular patrons walk in but do creak when a mysterious stranger walks in Carpenter: .what roboticsappreciationsociety What if you intentionally put in one squeaky floorboard and tell your regulars that if they squeak it, their first drink costs 10% extra, then only new people who don't know the rule will step on it and familiars will avoid it. onlymollygibson Did... did you just write an algorithm for
  • 02
    Text - "don't you get your languages mixed up?" yeah all the time in fact in my latest Japanese essay I got 0% because I wrote the entire thing in Spanish and my parents are getting increasingly frustrated because I keep talking to them in German rather than British Sign Language megamilotic my friend is fluent in english, french, italian, portugese, german, dutch, russian and is learning spanish and latvian, and the other day he went into starbucks in england, ordered a latte in german, correct
  • 03
    Text - charlesoberonn An NYPD detective is forced into an early retirement after a case gone awry. He moves into a small idyllic town in Canada. But the town holds a dark secret. Except the secret in all his head. The town is actually as wholesome and idyllic as it seems to be. The townsfolk are all just playing along with his investigation to make him feel better about losing his job. charlesoberonn "Cheryl you need to pretend to be dead" "Why cant it be susan?" "We talked about this, at the to
  • 04
    Text - A schmergo The Lincoln Assassination is really just wild if you think about it for a moment. The younger brother of one of the most famous actors in the country- himself a famous actor and heartthrob in his own right- killed the President in a theatre and yelled "Sic semper tyrannis," a line often associated with Brutus, a character that his brother had famously played. Like, imagine if Liam Hemsworth killed the Prime Minister of Australia at a red carpet movie premiere or something and y
  • 05
    Text - Neil deGrasse Tyson O @neiltyson · 1h In my day, the word "Awesome" was reserved for things like curing Polio and walking on the Moon, not for food or TV shows. 27 2,490 1,737 17.1K Jamie Le Souëf @JamieLeSouef · 1h That's very 'get off my lawn' of you 27 11 3 637 Alan Ng @mruvula Replying to @JamieLeSouef and @neiltyson I think you mean 'get off deGrasse' 9:49 PM 12 Apr 18 67 Retweets 1,630 Likes
  • 06
    Head - BethespiderBitch = enterprising-ge,. B Sourte: kelbebop scarykeion: kelbebop: Alas, poor Yorick. You were glam as fuck. THIS IS IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER 17,239 notes
  • 07
    Illustration
  • 08
    Text - andrew @AndrewChamings wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick 9:05 AM · Aug 31, 2018 14.9K Retweets 70.3K Likes
  • 09
    Cartoon - You
  • 10
    Red
  • 11
    Text - robotmango it's ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, "i'm gonna go for a bike ride." and i was like "why. no. why. don't put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don't do it." so he says he doesn't want to "hide in the house" because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. "the sun is shining" does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying in
  • 12
    Text - prokopetz If I was going to put the Horrible Goose in a D&D game, I wouldn't make it some big high-CR threat – it'd just be a regular goose that's capable of regular goose stuff, with three significant exceptions: 1. It can show up anywhere, even if there's no reasonable way for it to have gotten there. 2. It seems to have limited ontological inertia. If the players imprison it, it vanishes from its prison when they're not looking. If they kill it, another goose shows up eventually. It'd
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 9404585216
  • 14
    Text - il Verizon O 92% 7:29 AM Tweet this is a ducktales blog now @Bouuvine DND allows you to play out even the most impossible fantasies, such as: -Speaking multiple languages -Traveling with friends -Being Charismatic -Waking up Early -Having money 7/29/18, 1:09 PM 6,527 Retweets 17.3K Likes Tweet your reply Σ
  • 15
    Cartoon - TELL ME WHAT tou KNOW
  • 16
    Text - Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds True story... Years ago, @NathanFillion bought me 8 drinks in Mexico. I woke up 75 miles off the coast on a fishing boat. 5h Afraid. Details Nathan Fillion @NathanFillion .@VancityReynolds we needed international waters for legal reasons. I explained that to you. View Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds @NathanFillion I was unconscious during the safety briefing. 4:25pm - 8 Feb 2015 Twitter for iPhone See what's trending at FUNSubstance.com
  • 17
    Cartoon
  • 18
    Text - thehobbutts who do u think would win in a fight 2 the death between ihop and dennys prismfairy I'd say Denny's Ihop is where kids sometimes have birthday parties Denny's is where l'd go to meet a hitman thehobbutts im on board with that logic
  • 19
    Text - skinks the penalty box in hockey is such a funny concept to me. big fighty men go in the naughty cube. imprisoned for sports crimes runcibility Go to the terrarium and think about your punching, you knife-footed ice-gremlin cipheramnesia All they do is sit there plotting their little gremlin plans for as soon as you let em out of the gremlin cube.
  • 20
    Text - cenkrett If you are so committed to being perfectly lawful that you cannot see the value of breaking a law to defend yourself or others, you're not good, you're obedient. krabbydon tfw you don't know if it's social commentary or d&d meta Source: cenkrett 31,673 notes
  • 21
    Cartoon
  • 22
    Text - no-shitting-sherlock: cucumberbatchin: Sometimes I get 'readers-block', like I can't read anything to save my life, l'll start 10 books and stop each after seven pages because all P'l want is to already have read that book and not actually read it and I won't be able to focus at all and it pains me so much. OHMYGOD YOU PUT THAT THING I FEEL INTO WORDS
  • 23
    Text - condesces i find my cosmic insignificance reassuring the stars don't fucking care who i am or what i do i owe the universe nothing i exist on my own terms queermagicalgirls #the galaxy dont care that u messed up the thing that one time laddersoftherain #when existentialism becomes comforting rather than horrifying
  • 24
    Red
  • 25
    Text - frogparty truth to ed in fmab ep2: i am what you call the world, or perhaps the universe, or perhaps god, or perhaps truth, or perhaps all, or perhaps one, and i am also you. ed in fmab ep3: Are you interested in Letoism? - No, unfortunately, Im areligious. thebestkindofmad Ed decided that God was a lil bitch and he just wasn't going to endorse that.
  • 26
    Cheezburger Image 9404606976
  • 27
    Red
  • 28
    Text - gomboc123 I mean... I get that you want to align Roy Mustang with lawful good because he's a high ranking military officer, but the man literally overthrew the government because he didn't like it hippity-hoppity-brigade #no one who stages a coup from an ice cream truck is a lawful anything (via @ruinsofxerxes) Source: gomboc123
  • 29
    Text - 5 shamrockjolnes just-shower-thoughts The 'talking mirror' trope from fairy tales probably originated when a careless time- traveler was seen using a Smart phone or a tablet. nyquildriver #Siri Siri on my phone#how the fuck do I get home Source: just-shower-thoughts #*helpless laugh 23 571 notes
  • 30
    Illustration
  • 31
    Cartoon - Cama
  • 32
    Text - no-shitting-sherlock: cucumberbatchin: Sometimes I get 'readers-block', like I can't read anything to save my life, l'll start 10 books and stop each after seven pages because all P'l want is to already have read that book and not actually read it and I won't be able to focus at all and it pains me so much. OHMYGOD YOU PUT THAT THING I FEEL INTO WORDS
  • 33
    Text - : Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul 46 KB JPG > hide all of your resources for the target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / f
  • 34
    Text - you-had-me-at-e-flat-major double bubble disco queen headed to the guillotine skin as cool as rasputin, russia's greatest love machine seras-sanctum Boy, you think you know what's happening in this one and then it just knocks you flat, doesn't it
  • 35
    Illustration
  • 36
    Anime - Ladyrinl yn Tumb1r
  • 37
    Text - neil-gaiman: 322 Mister Gaiman, you're kickass. I was just wondering, what do you think is the best way to seduce a writer? I figured your answer would be pretty spectacular. birdartpoetry In my experience, writers tend to be really good at the inside of their own heads and imaginary people, and a lot less good at the stuff going on outside, which means that quite often if you flirt with us we will completely fail to notice, leaving everybody involved slightly uncomfortable and more than
  • 38
    Yellow - 成れの果乙
  • 39
    Cartoon - YANUMII PONT FORGET 3.OCT II
  • 40
    Cg artwork - And atl
  • 41
    Text - Write Name Here @crd the new universal constant
  • 42
    Text - liquidstar it's really frustrating how you have to wait like, 2 weeks before you can drink milk after you buy it. i know you gotta wait for the date on the bottle but like why cant the store just sell the milk thats ready? liquidstar 11
  • 43
    Clothing - azyin im horny but like horny to cuddle alolanfloatzel you're lonely stone-elm TARKJIPHENSON Wendy
  • 44
    Product - thegestianpoet every day I think about how hysterical it is that taika waititi really almost had a scene in thor ragnarok where thor reveals he has "LOKI R.IP." tattooed on his wrist like thats. literally so funny how did that get past anyone at marvel there is FOOTAGE of them shooting that scene gjkhdfjkghgf thegestianpoet like let's unpack this behind the scenes photo: 9NEWS .com.a 1. that's taika's forearm and and he clearly practiced writing tattoo ideas on his own arm, in ballpoin
  • 45
    Medical imaging - Fetching the ball like a good boy Stealing another dog's ball and biting holes in it Eating the cat's food then vomiting in the bath at 3am Dragging your anus across the carpet in front of all the guests during a formal social function
  • 46
    Text - Mariakono črs @ Tanuki Time Follow @TanukiMaria peter parker: damn where are we now miles morales: oh sweet this is the universe where we're french peter parker: the what pierre par coeur: sacrébleu qui sont ces gens kilomètres morales: je ne sais pas miles morales: so cool peter parker: what the fuck 2:19 AM - 1 Jun 2019 861 Retweets 2,233 Likes
  • 47
    Text - Attention SJW'S The world owes you only two things. Jack and shit. And Jack just left town. #thetriggering breastforce God damn I've been Owned... railroadsoftware where's jack going magiclairium to undo the future that is aku
  • 48
    Dog - adidal CAB2006 12.07om paper-mario-wiki scoundrel spotted
  • 49
    Text - beeftart fuck ciggelrettes but indirect kiss by lighting yours off the tip of your lovers. my god beeftart sexhaver i had a lady on the street ask me if i could "buttfuck" her and after some confusion it turned out that was her name for this phenomenon. because the butts are fucking congratulations to this woman for making sure i never smoke just so this possible scenario can never happen to me beeftart shock sobbing shock care for a buttfuck ladies shock excuse me sir, would you be so ki
  • 50
    Text - punkbonnibel I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver alohammora When it bounces perfectly in the corner i experience a Thought
  • 51
    Text - liz @lizzoaw having a job is weird because we're in the middle of a major extinction event 11:47 AM · 13 May 19 · Twitter for iPhone
  • 52
    Text - nobody: My knees: *) *)
  • 53
    Terrestrial animal - D Attenborough @Attenboroughs_D Typical, you spend an hour stacking toads and not one of the miserable sods will smile for the camera. Honestly I don't know why I bother.
  • 54
    Text - Watch Glitter Force @peggywhynowhy i really, really recommend blocking as many corporate accounts you can so you get promoted tweets like this Potato Philips @potatophilips- Sep 15 peed repus gnihtemos Pramoted 9/17/17, 2:57 PM
  • 55
    Eyewear - classicslesbianopinions i like to commit random acts of hubris. just pepper them throughout my life. someday a god is going to smite me and i'm ready for it elucubrare hubris
  • 56
    Text - 11 Would you date an angel (six pairs of 15 wings, countless eyes, on fire, screams DO NOT BE AFRAID at you in Hebrew)? Yes
  • 57
    Text - EVEN MY HORSE HAS THE RIGHT TO KEEP GOD IN ITS LIFE. conservativestuff.com theanti90smovement what does this even mean africancheewahwah i dont know but im printing it out and giving it to everyone i know
  • 58
    Text - anonymous asked: Are you happy with your current penis size sobeitjayt answered: you tryna sell me a new dick
  • 59
    Cartoon - wriots Keanu Reeves: *exists* Everyone: Wejust think he's neat.
  • 60
    Text - mesopelagic did anyone else have the fucking. dolphin girls at school mesopelagic they were like horse girls except they couldnt ht gfbfnfbnfj eb do sorry a mojth started attacking me
  • 61
    Text - Kevin Frane Follow @KevinFrane One of my housemates is having me and our other housemate guess whether songs he's pulling up are from Shadow the Hedgehog or Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and I've gotten literally every one of them wrong. Also I should note I was localization producer on Shadow the Hedgehog. 4:03 PM - 4 Jun 2019
  • 62
    Cheezburger Image 9404609792
  • 63
    Text - glumshoe I need to vent about something IRL that's been bothering me for like... a while now. It's kinda petty but l've got to get it off my chest. Dear Emily from first grade, You know what? Fuck you. We all agreed that we wanted to pretend to be a wolf pack during recess. You got to pick what kind of wolf you wanted to be first. You picked a white wolf. You had first choice, you were our leader. Somebody else wanted to be a fucking purple wolf and you didn't say a goddamn thing about it
  • 64
    Text - bookhobbit why is "olde vampires in high school" the big thing and not "olde vampires in college" • everyone in college is eccentric. everyone • you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn't slept in three days supports you • everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you're polite and follow class etiquette • multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAS? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail! • wandering around campus a
  • 65
    Cheezburger Image 9404611072
  • 66
    Screenshot - catburger I am re playing Resident Evil 4 and what the hell is this midtown120blues when they say be there or be square and you dont show up strider17 It's him. It's president evil. pureslime Had enough of this dude WAN
  • 67
    Head - SEE, YOUR BODY IS 70% WATER. AND DADDY'S THIRSTY.
  • 68
    Text - person: *sees blood stain* person: *touches it* person: person: person: person: blood <> 362.084 Anmerkungen
  • 69
    Text - bowelflies okay but The Elephant's Foot is a large mass of black LFCM with many layers, externally resembling tree bark and glass. The mass is quite dense, unyielding to a drill but able to be damaged by a Kalashnikov rifle. By June wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhy was someone shooting it with a kalashnikov cybeast-gregar dps check 124.946 Anmerkungen
  • 70
    Text - < TOP HEADLINES Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night 1011 12 1, QUARTR II
  • 71
    Text - me: I gotta focus on this becau- brain: ladies and gentlemen me: please brain: this is mambo number five
  • 72
    Text - zander @finah How come when a house is 'haunted' it's always a ghost from the 1700s? imagine a ghost from 2007 screaming "ITS BRITNEY BITCH" at 3 AM
  • 73
    Text - earendil-was-a-mariner Bilbo: wait I get it now. The dragon is a metaphor for greed and power. We need to 'defeat' it by being humble when we get the treasure. Thorin: Bilbo, for the last time, it's a real dragon and it has my gold misbehavingmaiar It's living in my house, Bilbo Quelle: earendil-was-a-mariner
  • 74
    Text - S carlalalo Folgen dark-magician-girl-meets-world First teenager: Haha, you don't actually believe in this ouija board stuff, do you? Second teenager: Holy, shit! It's moving! Ouija board: W...E..V..E...U...P...D...A...T...E...D... O...U...R...P...R...I...V...A...C...Y...P...O...L...I...C...Y Quelle: dark-magician-girl-meets-world 44.466 Anmerkungen
  • 75
    Text - Jillian Tamaki @dirtbagg Every millennial's fav game: trying to figure out how your friends afford their lifestyle 9/10/17, 7:30 PM 16.5K Retweets 52.8K Likes
  • 76
    Text - michaelmakesanentrance if u don't kiss ur cat on their tiny soft little forehead wtf are u even doing pussylightlytoasted Yelling at her for trying to eat plastic
  • 77
    Text - doujinshi me: *starts eating healthy and drinking water* oh wow this is actually really nice and fun. me: me: me: I SAID THIS IS REALLY NICE brain: oh right. heres some dopamine for the bare minimum u basic ass bitch me: thank u Quelle: doujinshi 47.129 Anmerkungen
  • 78
    Text - floating-head This is the dumbest thing to nitpick but the phrase "real UFO" bothers me any UFO is a real UFO as long as it's unidentified and flying because that's what those words mean weather or not it's an alien is a different matter it could be a pancake someone threw real hard as long as you don't know that's what it is it's a UFO thezohar i've said it before, and i'll say it again: anything is a UFO if you're bad enough at identifying stuff Source: floating-head
  • 79
    Text - joyceanfartboner its fucked up to me how, like, we as a humanity can forget how to make shit. like how the west forgot how to make glass or some shit for a while. vivian-void nobody knows the exact way of creating lots of ancient stuff, greek fire and damascus steel are really well known examples, and material scientists are still studying roman cement because it's better than modern cement joyceanfartboner isnt that so fucked up a-daks all because SOME MOTHERFUCKERS always think it's a g

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article